Freddy vs. Jason

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to tonight’s main event. It’s a match more than 20 years in the making. Sure, the combatants might be past their prime but they’re still the undisputed kings of slasher horror.

In this corna’, in the brown hat, striped sweater and wearing his trademark knife glove on his right hand, we have the Elm Street Slicer, the Slayer of Slumberland…Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund).

And in the far corna’, wearing the hockey mask, rotting overalls and wielding one wicked machete, he’s the Crystal Lake Killer, the Masked Mamma’s Boy Murderer, the Man of Too Many Sequels…Jason Voorhees (Ken Kirzinger).

Before the cross-franchise showdown, let’s take a look back at both of their respective careers and how they got to this point, shall we. First up, Freddy Kruger. He was one of the first slasher monsters who killed kids in their nightmares. But once the horror genre went self-reflexive, fear turned to laughter and Freddy lost his power.

As a child, Jason drowned while at Camp Crystal Lake while his camp counselors were off making out and doing their own thing. No matter how hard people have tried, Jason always seem to come back for another sequel. Seeing this Freddy calls on Jason to restore fear in the minds of the masses so he brings Mr. Hockey Mask back yet again. But after Jason starts getting greedy and taking away Freddy’s gloved fun, Mr. Kruger wants some pay back. Which brings us to this point.

Freddy vs. Jason is more about intrigue factor than the actual movie itself. There have been many battles in the past: Ali/Frasier, Yankees/Mets, Star Wars/Star Trek, Coke/Pepsi, but this is the first to actually make it to the screen. It’s not so much the thought of another Nightmare on Elm Street or Friday the 13th sequel, but rather the expansion of both films’ respective universes. In this age of the Internet, fan fiction and the debate over franchises has become fast and easy. Even growing up many have probably asked, “Who would win if Kruger and Voorhees went at it in a fight to the death?” You’d think that such mass curiosity hasn’t spawned more “franchise battles” since it appears to be quite the purse for those involved.

But curiosity can only get you so far. With such a wealth of lore to draw from, the set up for the big fight should have been better than merely adequate. The idea of Freddy summoning Jason and then turning on him is indeed interesting but there’s too much of a ridiculous story going on outside the impending battle of the horror titans. So by the time the main event rolled around, this under-card of lame characters (including a blatant rip-off of Jay from Kevin Smith’s View Askew universe) almost wrecks the entire card. All I wanted in the movie was Celebrity Death Match with a rocking soundtrack replacing the colour commentary. Thankfully, once the stalling ends and Jason and Freddy do finally get it on I couldn’t help but feel a fanboyish glee sweep over me.

The battle doesn’t disappoint (at least the actual fighting) as the two go at it with lots of creative and funny spots. But not funny to the point where the both become self-reflexive jokes again. Director Ronny Yu makes sure that there’s lots of blood, deep flesh wounds and dismemberment to remind slasher horror fans just how gross the genre can still be. And although there has always been a goofy side to Freddy and Jason is little more than a grunting zombie, they’re both monsters and as such, the audience should feel some fear towards them. Yu does just this, balancing the cheese with the fright.

I would never encourage people to sneak into theaters without paying because that would make Jack Valenti unhappy. But if you can convince a theatrer manager or lowly high school corn monkey to let you into the final half hour of Freddy vs. Jason for a few bucks, you won’t be disappointed. But that’s the only part worth seeing. The final outcome of who wins and loses can be debated. But now that those who gave the green light to the project are now seeing lots of green, expect us to be the ultimate potential winners as other dream matches will likely follow suit.