Steel

Even ignoring the fact that he towers over 99.99% of the world’s population, Shaquille O’Neal is one of this generation’s biggest sports figures. He has long since transcended simply being a basketball player and has become something more of a pop culture figure. There was a time when he was trying to use his star power as leverage to enter the world of film (not to mention music and reality television). The result: Steel, a cartoonish super hero movie that has the distinction of being one of those movies that’s so bad it actually has some solid entertainment value.

O’Neal plays John Henry Irons, a military weapons specialist who leaves the service after an accident leaves his best bud Susan Sparks (Annabeth Gish) paralyzed. But when a former colleague (Judd Nelson) takes his trade secrets to threaten the world, Irons transforms himself into the heroic Steel, a James Bond-esque Tin Man compiled off heavy-duty armor and fancy gadgets.

Steel blends comedy and hero action with ridiculous results. The entire film is largely predictable without any surprises. But that was to be expected. Five minutes in it’s obvious that the film was geared toward action figure-loving nine-year-olds. At least that’s the perception I got. The jokes are telegraphed and focus primarily on O’Neal’s immense size and the troubles he has navigating in the normal world. It was refreshing to see the former National Basketball Association MVP make light of his basketball limitations, specifically with a series on gags where Irons comes across a basketball court and can’t drop a basket. I found myself giggling more at the awkwardness O’Neal shows trying to be convincing onscreen. But all is for not given the source material.

Steel really is that bad. Instead of coming across as tough, the titular hero seems more lucky than anything else. And while Iron Man and others have proven that hero films don’t always have to take themselves seriously all the time, there still has to be a certain level credibility. Steel delves into the realm of self parody. From the over-the-top casting, to the telegraphed plot and all the way down to Steel’s joke of a costume, there’s nothing to redeem the movie. Which is somewhat redeeming in itself.

I had the movie all but written off within a couple of scenes. No matter the film, when this happens, I look to have a little fun and tune out. At this point, bad became fun. Don’t get me wrong, Steel is a horrible way to spend an hour and a half. But if you’re determined to torture yourself, know this going in so that you can at least bring some fun out of it. Or a drinking game. But if you’re in the young adult target audience, make sure you’re drinking milk. Consider yourself warned.

Steel DVD Review

Steel arrives on DVD for the first time via Warner’s print-on-demand Archive Collection label. The film has a crisp widescreen picture (1.85:1 aspect ratio) with Dolby Digital stereo English audio. A trailer for the film is also included. Like other films on the label, there’s not a lot here but at least it’s now available for those who just want a copy of the movie.